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A response to your FB post from 2023.
why would anyone visit someone who publicly put a indiscriminate threat to publish illegal images that are non consensual ?
At least when my abusive ex did that to be after I broke up with him in 2012, I had at one time distributed them consensually in a relationship & he was blackmailing me after a breakup.
But you and I ?
WE HAVE NEVER DATED.
I have to say that.
We have never had any sort of sexual or non platonic relationship. I’ve only ever seen you as a friend and brother. EVER. I’ve dealt with you putting rumours into people over a decade ago about us getting married, being together, and all sorts of allegations from your much older & more mature school friends who eventually came around. They are awesome people. But they all had the wrong idea. Same with your family. That is in the past. The only person who really understands is your own father who has told you “Do not do anything with her she is like a sister”. Without him or your brothers I doubt I would’ve stuck around but I felt a strong sense of acceptance and connection with your family when I was cast out from my own family as a teenager. Also our genealogy is similar, people think we are related, (German, Irish, Italian ancestory)
If you have or had unresolved feelings towards me that’s for you to work out in therapy. With a therapist. You’ve had 15 years give or take. We all have friends we love but ultimately value your friend more than the idea of the relationship and move on with a real human. Or get a therapist. You refuse to do either, you make excuses and then blame your parents, who are not without fault but not the entire factor. By now it’s time to take a role in your healing and decide to change. Cut the excuses and make the decision or risk the eternity of stagnation. It’s on you and you alone. Nobody else can decide that for you.
I gave you an SD card when I was IN A STUPID INIEBRIATED PRE-rehab state, medicated on a cocktail of downers in 2021, not thinking clearly on alcohol/opiates/tranquillisers & lyrica prior to going into hospital (and subsequently getting fondled & by my treating psychiatrist who made me take my clothes off which lead to dissociation. That lead to self destruction of another level, and more amnesia and self medicating.
From that point on I FORGOT I did this due to the nature of both the quantity of substances I had taken, and the nature of dissociation which went on for the rest of that year for resulting stressors from the next two MORE nightmarish psych hospital admissions, both of which you purposefully tried to make yourself a “villain” during or after and I didn’t understand. I got it when I read this last year.
my mistake was 1. letting you take the wrong SD card
2. Trusting you with whatever MIGHT be on there which is PERSONAL for my own healing not for anyone but my future husband / lover
3. Trusting you as a friend and confidant with the POSSIBILITY there was anything on that SD card
4. Not questioning the notion you would go as low level to A. M and stoop to a person you CLAIM to be against in words, character and action who assaulted & did the worst (you claim he did too BUT it seems minor because I KNOW where he stands forever in my mind- never was my friend/ nor did he claim that title) and you have done virtually the same thing to someone you claim to call your sister and best friend. That’s the lowest of the low.
5. Who is the traitor ?
Because at least my ex was my ex & I will always speak my truth about him to his face until I die. But you claimed to be my best friend for years and put this on your fb about me which is worse in my eyes morally, than what he did. So what does that mean for your character ? Why would I want to visit you after that level of betrayal? Especially given the circumstances surrounding that betrayal. I was literally going to an inpatient that day to get assaulted by my psychiatrist and have a string of horrible life events that happened after I had to transfer hospitals, which lead to further trauma and dissociation, and that’s your solution, to cause further wounds?
By now all I can do is document and record the ridiculousness of some of the level of BS I have to put up with because at times I FEEL like it’s too much for even me, to have experienced, but then to validate it & stand up for myself and tell my truth authentically gives me power nobody will ever wound, rape, lie, betray or steal away me.
You cannot invalidate the raw truth of my experiences.
It’s the truth. My truth. You cannot hide or deny the truth. I’ve suffered in silence for DECADES.
So I’m not going to let anything else go unspoken.
When you published this on your Facebook page last March. It took me 9 months to find it bc you inevitably get triggered every birthday, but guess what? I was in a deep state of depression but I won’t even go into that.
I’ve already explained myself and that’s not on me anymore.
I hate birthdays and do not celebrate them.
I do self care & try and survive but I don’t make a big deal. You know this. Why I would turn up to your house, after maybe one year I was in the area on your birthday in 2022? Is now incomprehensible. It’s 2024 and my life is altogether CHANGED because all these events plus more have made it so.
I had a lot going on and gave a lot going on that day, I wasn’t even online that entire week (what’s app) so the fact I sent anything at all is a bonus. I’m sorry that a very adult and acceptable “happy birthday” is not up to your standards but I’m literally overwhelmed by FULL BUSY LIFE responsibilities I’ve never had in my life before and somehow managing without having entire cataclysmic meltdowns.
Something you seem to think I could cope with if you were living with me but I don’t think that is the case, because having separation has helped me deal with the reality of being an adult with mental health problems and learning to thrive in spite of these on my own.
I threw myself into the deep end out of last hope desperation from trying everything & it all failing so whatever is happening finally works better despite the pain, more so than 2-3-4 years ago because at least I’m not BACK THERE, against my will, being constantly traumatised again. You of all people, having seen ALL OF THE FALLOUTS OF MY EFFORTS, should really understand how much my failures or attempts to rise against them, should mean to me. If it was the roles reversed, and you were in my position, I would despite my abandonment trauma or rejection sensitive dysphoria, still ultimately at my core, understand why you would try and do what you did and that’s what is lacking here.
You saw what HELLISH bullshit I went through as recently as 2021 and then you have the audacity to HATE on me low key for making moves to move away from whatever that was. When you were firsthand WATCHING the totality of 13 years of suicidal fragmentation come to life.
I don’t care what friend you claim to be. You don’t do backstabbing shit to people who you’ve seen rise from suicidal lows to reach goals and have victories and then have the world turn against them and then go and do the same.
That level of insane cruelty and betrayal crushes my soul, heart and chest, and it makes everything I’ve been through in prior friendships I thought was “painful”, feel next to nothing now.
I would never do this to another human. The way you speak on a public forum is not how I want any “friend” speaking of me for one I deserve better after EVERYTHING I’ve fought to overcome.
I wouldn’t speak that way about you, I speak this way. With truth, passion & conviction.
I hope you one day understand all my TIME spent with you was my friendship, I did not NEED to do that but I selflessly did and I do not regret it. But that is no more.
I have my own back, I love my own self, and part of that love is saying this treatment is not okay, you cannot speak about me like that online or offline and expect to not get called out over that. It might be a year and 5 days later but you are going to meet your karmic justice.
I hope you learn to humble your tongue and soften your language and you find the will to change.
I honestly wish no ill will upon you.
I just hope you can see how much you’ve hurt me and own your mistakes but that’s becoming more unlikely.
