More relationship reflections

What I do not want 

I've realised 

The bigger the ego, the bigger the man child. 

A healthy man has done the inner work to heal those issues. 

You can really tell by how their outer behaviour manifests. 

How they talk about other people, how they treat other people, how they talk in general, how their actions and words line up (or don’t). 

It’s a simple formula once you see your value, and you have spent years of your life investing in ONE relationship, it’s time to take a step back to evaluate anyone who tries to siphon more of that “same energy”. 

To ask why are YOU needing to settle for that again? 

I believe it's essential to focus on personal growth while you're single, rather than casually dating or engaging in superficial relationships. It's important to build a sense of independence that isn't dependent on someone else, especially in the event that you do enter into a relationship. partnership, you have something to fall back on because everything you created together can and will be lost the moment you end the relationship. 

I understand there is a whole "trad wife" and red pill movement that suggests women should rely on men, but based on generational evidence from my own family, I find this perspective flawed. I've seen women stay married primarily for financial reasons rather than breaking the marriage contract to pursue independence.

In the end, the happiest individuals in their older years aren’t necessarily the multi-millionaires who stayed married with three to five properties and substantial wealth. 

Instead, it’s often those who broke the generational curse. 

Even during the 70s, when divorce was still frowned upon, these individuals chose to end unhealthy relationships and raise their children independently, freeing them from the shackles of an abusive household. 

While those who broke the marriage contract may have been the least wealthy, stand against conventional values in the family line- they tend to be the HAPPIEST. Why is that?

For me. ALL CPTSD ASIDE which is a seperate thing that I don’t expect anyone to know much about. 

The right person won’t need to be educated on basic principles of healthy interpersonal human communication. I’m talking how to have an assertive and healthy adult conversation without deflecting, projecting & blaming then twisting things to be the other persons fault, then denying & creating a huge conflict out of something that was originally a minor contention. 

In short, I want a life partner who is a HEALHY, grounded & assertive communicator. 

He won’t resort to swearing, blame shifting, denial, violence or arrogance in difficult conversations. 

Blood moon eclipse triad

 Blood Moon Eclipses generally take place in a pattern of threes, and the first of this trio falls in Virgo on March 14th, with the subsequent Blood Moon Eclipses following on September 7th and March 3, 2026. 

The upcoming three Blood Moon Eclipses are significant astronomical events that often symbolise themes of shedding, purging & release. 

Typically, Blood Moons are associated with a process of strippingng away what is no longer unnecessary, compelling people to remove any remaining superficial layers of artificial layers of their personality, or unhealed attributes of themselves. 

It implores us to examine within and to start to begin the journey that maybe difficult for some and uncover deeper truths inside themselves. 

Virgo also rules over our mind-body connection, our day-to-day work projects, routines, our organization skills, and our mental health, so these are all areas we may notice heightened under this Eclipse.

As an Earth sign, Virgo calls for us to get grounded and to take a well-thought-out approach to whatever arises.

This is an optimal time for shadow work. 

There is a transformative and alchemical energetic energetic signature associated with blood red eclipses. 

How to decode a psychological operation (PSYOPS) 101:

Developing your critical thinking facilities (because so many of you are lacking in them) 

-Psyops create urgency to conform in mass 

Akin to a viral social media challenge (memetic evolution). 

- There is always a diverse social and or political agenda behind it

- Check the message, 

the timing, deconstruct the agenda, what is behind the smoke screen? 

- There is a sea of information on the internet to navigate, but limited tools to discern the facts from fallacy or understand the psychological warfare being conducted on the human population. 

- Social media is another form of media consumed that is full of misinformation and psyops. 

- Media is part of the problem but this is how social media has become “centralised”.  So to speak.

-  Remember the internet was initially created to become a weapon by the Department of Defence. 

- The art and skill of critical thinking involves deconstructing perspectives, beliefs, narratives, archetypes in the stories, characters in the narrative and the timing of the message. 

- There is the use of framing information from multiple angles, and researching information in a way to gather data that is collaborative. 

- This might contrast with your emotive “belief” about the narrative being portrayed but is key to becoming a better critical thinker. 

-Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) and hypnosis are also key tools utilised in psyops. 

-I highly recommend doing at least an introduction course to begin to understand the fundamental tools utilised in psychological warfare. 

-When psyops are carried out, they hijack our amygdala, the fear-based part of our brain. 

-Which means we cannot activate the prefrontal cortex. 

-This means our critical thinking is repressed. 

****

A step to begin to think critically is to begin to understand logical fallacies: 

1. Appeal to emotion

- relies heavily on emotive language that activates responses inciting fear, anger, hate or hope to bypass LOGIC

2. Strawman's argument 

- misrepresentation of someone's argument to attack it better 

3. Bandwagon fallacy 

- claiming something to be true because the majority agree 

• i.e these people are doing x THEN it must be x that is the right method 

4. False dilemma 

- presenting ONLY two extreme options and ignoring alternative options

- the Hegelian dialectic 

- the us vs them and with us or against us 

• the gender or race divide is commonly used 
• In lockdowns, it was the masked or the vaccinated vs the unvaccinated 

5. Ad hominem 

- attacking the PERSON, not the argument,  attacking a perceived opponent because of some real or perceived characteristic

- this is all over this platform and the internet in general 

• this might be juxtaposed but this is the biggest red flag that a person cannot think critically and regulate their own emotions & lacks insight into their cognitive distortions 

6. Appeal to “authority”. 

- claim things to be true because “authority figure said it to be so 

• Insisting that a claim is true simply because an alleged authority or “expert” on the issue said it was true, without any other supporting evidence offered
• Antidote:

- become your researcher and collaborate on your own qualitative and quantitative data 

-aim: form your hypothesis, conduct your micro experiments, collect your data, & research the world although everything in your life as you experience it is an experiment 

-result: learning to think for yourself

7. the slippery slope 

• ONE ACTION WILL LEAD TO AN EXTREME NEGATIVE OUTCOME 

• These negative consequences are often bad and/or increasingly outlandish. 
• The person using the slippery slope fallacy takes these consequences as a certainty and does not reflect or analyse the “logic” behind their position. 
• A slippery slope fallacy may be used to deflect & avoid the merits of a position & shift the field of discussions/debate
• The slippery slope fallacy is used in conjunction with fear (irrationally). 

8. Hasty generalisations 

• no statistics, the argument is a generalised, faulty generalisation, hasty induction, insufficient sample, lonely facts fallacy, overgenality, overgenality, unrepresentative sample size. 
• making a broad assumption based on one example 
• broad claims made with limited quantitative data or evidence 
• Drawing conclusions based on limited sample sizes can lead to misleading results. 
• It is advisable to consider comprehensive statistical data that more accurately reflect typical or average scenarios.

9. Red herring 

• The origin of “red herring”  originates from a procedure of utilising strong-smelling cured herring to divert hunting dogs from the smell of their target.
• How to spot a RED HERRING: 
• Be wary of topic changes that appear unrelated to the original conversation. 
• If someone introduces a completely different subject out of nowhere, it may be a red herring
• Also, pay attention to whether the novel topic is created to elicit an emotional reaction rather than addressing the logical factors of the original argument. 
• Red herrings count on emotional manipulation to divert attention

Check for 

• The deliberate diversion of attention to try to abandon the original argument
• Attempting to redirect the argument to another issue to which the person doing the redirecting can better respond

1. False equivalents 

 - claiming two sides as equal when they aren’t truly equal 

• insert thing, event, etc. here] has characteristics a, b, and c.
• Another [insert thing, event, etc. here] has characteristics b and e.
• Therefore, since both share a characteristic b, they are equivalent.
• Apples and oranges are both fruits, and they are both round, therefore they must both taste the same.
• Just because they are both round fruits doesn't mean they taste the same. 
• This is across the board, social political and economic. 
• This is a childs logic, taught in primary education. By puberty, you should be beginning to have a grasp on the methods of discernment. 
• If not by high school. 
• If not in adulthood, there is still time. 
• I am still, as an adult, shocked the majority of the internet cannot discern the mostly simplistic critical thinking skills
• This is not hard to master 
• But it is possible to rewire your neural pathways into having a more refined critical thinking 
• This will help you be armed against the false sea of psychological warfare, no only perpetuated by the mainstream media, but protect you from the false media propagated on social media platforms, alternative media is also rife with this now. 
• It will help arm yoursf against narcissists, antisocial personality disorder predators and cult leaders who prowl through the internet seeking vulnerable “prey”. 
• Do not for agents of psychological warfare who are just vectors of the psyops who operate in subsets of the internet to divert and divide (limited hangouts, shills and apply the entire psyops method to a single person who is conducting their own “psyops” recruiting people to build a cult with the same modalities and methods. 
• Protect you from online scams, narcissist and psychopaths 
• Knowledge here will give you discernment to minimise brain hijaking that modifies your perception from via media, social media and individuals using these mediums for psychological operations 
• It will give you a skillset CRITICAL THINKING (that is a lost and dying art/skill).
• TRAIN YOUR CRITICAL THINKING FACULTIES 
• DONT BE LEAD BY EMOTIONS 
• CHECK THE FACTS 
• DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH 
• THINK FOR YOURSELF
• The new war isn't guns and weapons like 100 years ago, its a war of the mind. #

Moving on & the high value heroine archetype

 14/1/25 

Musings on moving on

healing from relationships the healthy way: part 1 

It's important to acknowledge that relationships can sometimes change when one partner is experiencing personal growth and transformation. This journey of self-discovery may have begun before the relationship started and could be hindered by settling into the dynamics with the other person

i know this sounds condescending. But my last relationship ate away 8 years of my life because I gave a “nice” guy a chance. We were great friends, companions, but our sexual compatibility & chemistry was nil.

 I was the one wearing the pants. I was already on my journey of self-development when I met him. My interest in psychology, self-improvement, and personal growth had been sparked during my mental health and trauma recovery, which peaked in late 2015 when I went on a date with him.

He had been pursuing me for years. 

My first red flag should of  our initial meeting back in 2011. It was platonic, but he visited me while I was very mentally unstable, as an inpatient in an old Catholic psychiatric hospital. This was during a time when my ex-boyfriend, who I had been with since I was 19, was cheating on me. I always remember that we talked for 10 hours. He brought me a gift of my favorite conspiracy magazines, along with a notebook and a fancy pen. At that time, my ex, Alexander, had fallen out of the honeymoon stage and was ignoring me, so I greatly overvalued his gesture due to my idealized perspective.

We texted back and forth, but nothing was consistent. He eventually vanished, ending up with a much older woman who had two children of her own; a a single mother who used him and controlled his phone usage. He disappeared into regional NSW. 

I didn’t find out until much later that this situation contributed to his debt of $50,000 to $70,000, which I helped him get out of (a second red flag).

This was a compromised secret I hid for him because I enjoyed his company initially.

now it emphasizes the importance of my journey toward becoming a high-value woman. 

As we plateaued apart I learnt how to “be single” while he had a whole other relationship in my face.  

The high value woman doesn’t jump into a new relationship without having healed from the wounds of her prior relationship, she doesn’t jump from man to man meaninglessly, she dates with INTENTION. She lives with INTENTION. Everything she does in INTENTIONAL. 

Her femininity is bold, intentional & vibrant. My last relationship had sapped me of traditional gender roles but the one prior to that was a year and a half of a very dominant, traditional masculine man. Who was honest when “he couldn’t be the man he needed me to be” and that was a trait I was so drawn to when we broke up. I then levelled all future breakups to be at that same “level”. I said that to J in the  beginning. He had so many “DOORS OUT”.

That was why his cowardice, passivity & dishonesty annoyed me the most because the guy before was so real & honest about not being able to handle me & we ended amicably and remain friends to this day as a result of civil boundaries. So J fucked me up & wasted years of my life as he was clueless as to what he really wanted .  

so personal growth but also draws in a partner who appreciates self-improvement. I never want to find myself in a situation where I have to guide my partner on who to be or how to act, even if the experience had its moments of intrigue. 

His parents expressed an overwhelming sense of gratitude, often brought to tears, for the role I played in shaping their son into a “real man.”But the toll it had on me, is understated. It’s not a roll id ever want in my life again. It’s exhausting. Psychometric tests for hours, career quizzes. Utilising my counselling skills to test on him as a Guinea pig (yeah it worked). 

Then what did i get ? Nothing. Who do I have to blame for it? Myself. I was hoping he would eventually be man enough to give back something to help me heal.

 But he palmed me off to some 13 years older guy from overseas who neither of us had ever met and then went off with a 10 years younger girl and left me (even as a friend) in the hardest time of my life. He could of been honest and said what the ex before me said because dim woman enough to handle the truth but he wasn’t man enough to be honest.  

That’s when the realization hit me hard;he was just keeping me on the back burner, a safety net for when things didn’t go his way. I was never truly a friend; I was merely an “option.” 

When his 21-year-old girlfriend entered the picture, it was clear he saw a chance for easy control, especially since she had just come out of an abusive relationship. Like a switch flipping, he dropped me without a second thought. I had been foolish, so utterly naive, to believe I meant anything more to him than a fallback plan

.I was discarded the minute he found her. She was more of a genuine friend to me than he had been for years in that last 6-7 months, she always made time for me and listened, I m loved our conversations.

But the day after her first date with him, everything changed between J and j m. 

He suddenly grew irritable about the time I spent with her and seemed increasingly frustrated by my lack of jealousy or resentment; 

which were emotions he was obviously anticipating from me. 

He seethed silently, on the brink of passive aggressive explosive rage, whenever we shared a deep conversation without him, while he worked from home on Friday and she had her days off and visited, lively and engaged asking about the birds, which I adored. He was radiating an intensity of “she’s mine you better not talk about me” that was hard to ignore.

This experience of almost 9 years  was an absolute eye-opener for me. I’ve come to realize that I will never trust, date, or entertain the facade of the “faux nice guy” again that I encountered with my ex. I know I deserve better. 

I felt it before but I know it after. 

I will never train a man how to be “an effective communicator”. 

How can he find his purpose and understand the true will or passion, values, and principles that guide his life? 

The truth is, he already knows what they are. He knows how to communicate like a healthy adult. 

Such a partner is likely to have a solid grasp of effective communication, psychological insights, and self-awareness, making for a more enriching and balanced relationship.

I think this is a pivotal

His routine should already be established and in alignment with yours. 

You don't need to teach him how to eat healthy or exercise, as he already knows how to do that. He is spiritual, he maybe can lead to show you, not the other way

Nine years in total (8 years and 7 months) of shaping a man didn't change the base nature of his “passive” ”submissive”   & “lack of leadership.”. 

Perhaps he could teach me a thing or two by sitting me down in a dignified, polite manner that is neither arrogant nor ego

Nothing is more attractive than an intelligent, skilled man who is humble and keeps his ego in check.. but is confident in what he can do & willing to help you with showing you how to do new things. I love a man who can teach me things. 

If a man is truly skilled he has no need to beat his chest like a primate & run around like a three ringed circus, to lament “who can do it better”. It only conveys a faux arrogance & rancid narcissistic egocentricity that screams “I can’t have anyone not think I’m the best at anything and all attention better go to me or I’ll make your life hell”

The two ends of the red flag avoid spectrum, are faux nice covert narcissists and then the communal, egocentric overt narcissist. 

One is self defeating, but lacking purpose and placid while the other seems to have too much to say & talks the most, the loudest, while is the only one who is the “best, biggest, only, no other can beat” type of guy and anyone who dare cross him *insert immature threat of adolescent type rage despite his age.

Both  types talk a lot but lack action. They know what you want to hear and will tell you those things because they recognize your desire for validation. It is MY responsibility to ensure that I do not rely on these kinds of people by validating yourself and addressing your own soul and psychological wounds. Instead of seeking validation from others, focus on healing the void that you once hoped these types of men would fill for you.They will NEVER do the job you can do for yourself, and you KNOW deep down, those guys, talk shit. I think back to my ex, how much of my own behaviour was just me forging his persona into who I wanted him to be so I could have a human I needed to help me “try and escape my traumatic life”.

Selfish, self serving, maybe. But was I just doing what I was told in therapy? Yes. 

It was a recipe for codependency.

He needed explicit instructions constantly. Which was exhausting. 

Until it wasn’t. 

He was eventually, given, the ultimate, magnum opus, I helped him, find himself. I think this is one of the most selfless things I did for someone. I didn’t mean to; but intimately I loved him enough to want that for him. 

He was then off, flying and spreading his wings and I was happy for him. It’s the saddest heartbreaking moment then, when I look back in retrospect that the moment I had given him that freedom, was the moment he started to express increasing control to me. There was a period where we could say we were happy. 

Momentums of happiness.

It was never a normal relationship. Ever. But we had fun, we were always going onn adventures and having interesting experiences. 

Was he nice. Yeah at first. But I learnt these guys are silent and deadly killers over time. They don't communicate until the last moment and the truth, is specifically spoken in woven daggers crafted from years of a running inner monologue against you. When you are all about open, honest dialogue. 

All you wanted was honesty and all you brought was authenticity and maybe you were too much yourself, so much he was repulsed. That is not a you problem as you warned him     

“It was ok, its fine, I love it, I love you, I accept you, I am with you”. He whispers and whimpers weakly in a tone you barely hear, as he has got the mumbles when you first met him. 

It wasn't until you taught him to speak he learnt how to raise his voice and professionally project it like a man. “She made me the man I am” he said for years until it was “you did nothing for me and I hate you” recently “you steal and took and gave me nothing”. 

While the truth is, you have given him a gift nobody can express. 

One of the rarest. Only to have it denied and rejected and then by June last year I had never given him a thing, all the gifts he returned to me. Literally packed in boxes and given back as though he never wanted them. 

*A slap in the face* not only to deny my spiritual, emotional and psychological gifts but the physical as well? It’s like he was trying to erase my memory from his life altogether. Someone might think I was the one who had the new partner in his face. Or had done the atrocious act in front of him. I had always wracked my brain in deliberation wondering, pleading with him to tell me “what had I done that made him hate me so much?”. But he could never give me a straight answer. He kept giving me the same thing that was his own doing. That wasn’t anything but trauma flooding to a random guy from American he told me to email. I had not ever met this person. 

He found him, told me to email him and this was the betrayal, even though he wanted me so badly to do this act? I was eternally confused by this to the point it often felt like “damned if I do/damned if I don’t”. 

It wasn’t like I was given a choice; but when he had a new partner I was forced to swallow it and did so, happily. 

Thats how I learnt about “high value” women and how to become one, looks maxxxing and started that journey. 

***