Warrior goddess Retrospective

2006-2012 were a waking nightmare manifest for me.

Do you know what I survived? 

as i write my memoir, or begin to edit the outline at least.

i realise there are things i have seen that cannot be fathomed nor understood by most. there are things i have experienced that cannot be articulated, for societies limitations would render my perspective invalid. 

but i promise you now, everything i have endured and witnessed, is 100 percent truthful: 

to summarize:

homelessness

heartbreak

abandonment

psychosis 

sexual assault/rape/molestation/statutory rape 

drug/alcohol addiction 

suicide attempts/(in one year i racked up $4000 in ambulance fines, if it’s $200 per ambulance ride, work out how many suicide attempts that is)

police 

psychiatric wards

rehabs 

court cases: both as the defender and the prosecuted 

fourth dimensional entity attacks 

eating disorders 

mental illness (obviously) 

stalking 

enemies hellbent on destroying me for unknown reasons. (example: in the 11th grade, my entire advanced english class signed a petition to have me expelled from that class because apparently i was a bad influence. shortly after i was expelled from school because this guy who didn’t like me, had a mother who was the deputy principle) imagine that. this kind of opposition was a fucking constant thing in my life, everyone was against me. i was always waging war on the universe. 

expulsion from schools 

countless friends betraying me

the private investigator incident of 2009

the crystal ball incident of 2009-2010

alien abduction incident of 2009 

the synchro-mystical initiation period following my 18th birthday

in 2013 i woke up from a long dark night of the soul, emerging from a waking nightmare embodied, suddenly i realised i had a purpose on this realm and i was determined upon fulfilling my will. suicide ideation was annihilated with multiple slayings of my ego. since 2013 i have made immense progress in fulfilling my goals, and given all i have endured, i do admit my thirst for ambition and success is a remarkable faucet of my persona. most people walking in my shoes would have surrendered years ago. but each setback has only strengthened my determination and sharpened my resolve.

i am on the rise, and with each day i only progress closer to fulfilling my goals. 

 in retrospect, i feel as though the darkness i endured was a rite of passage, for it birthed within me an astonishing capacity for understanding the pain of others. after all, if i was able to lift myself from rockbottom, i am surely capable of doing the same for others.

say what you will about appropriation, but i know deep in my heart i am an urban, post-modern shamanness.  i walked a path across jagged terrain, and this paved the way for my purpose. i was put upon this realm to guide others through the adversity life throws at them, and help them unleash their innate talents. i was put upon this realm to help others get in touch with their true will. 

i am living fucking proof one can rise from the depths of despair and blossom from the concaves of darkness. 

i am a warrior, and i have risen from the ashes and transmuted my base-self from leaden embers into a blazing golden inferno. 

for the first time in my life, i am fearless. there is nothing that i cannot endured. i am so fucking powerful. i am the epitome of power. the world rests in the palm of my hand, and i am the master of my domain. 

i am bound in armour and protection. after unrelenting rape and abuse from beyond the veil, this is so empowering. 

for the first time in my entire life, i am finally understanding what it means to love myself. i see the beauty my spirit possesses, and it burns my heart with passion. 

for years other people tried to convince me of my worth, and i vehemently denied their comments, always seeking evidence to disprove them. 

but now, i understand what they all meant. i truly possess an amazing spirit.