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Lessons as a daughter of Saturn:
20.12.23
I just wanted to confess that im a practioner of ceremonial magick and I am also a survivor of ritual abuse.
I’ve wanted to say that for so long but ironically, have not had anywhere to put that kind of information without facing backlash.
Now I don’t care.
Saturn moving into Pisces means let it flow.
Let it flow to grow;
I strongly wanted to start in the realm of Saturn, as I am a dominant Saturn (followed by extremely Venusian, then Jupiterian) dominant. I was born on a Saturday.
I’ve wanted to say that for so long but ironically, have not had anywhere to put that kind of information without facing backlash.
Now I don’t care.
Saturn moving into Pisces means let it flow.
Let it flow to grow;
I strongly wanted to start in the realm of Saturn, as I am a dominant Saturn (followed by extremely Venusian, then Jupiterian) dominant. I was born on a Saturday.
While I am not formally initiated or mounted in vodou, I have become extremely welcomed by the spirits over here in the tradition, when I started to practice ancestor veneration in conjunction with spiritism in grief and desperation in December 2019. (Happy 4 years).
It followed by an extremely vivid shared dream, and a series of synchronicities that lead me to my first Door opening Legba Working in 2020 which I was laying in m study, next to my altar, half asleep in the early hours of the morning on January 21-25th 2020. I was consorting with a large owl/cockatoo female saint spirit called Rosa Isabella. My roommate had a similar dream but on a whole other level that cannot be written without his own experience.
We shared our experiences later that day I went on google and instantly found a Saint that shared my birthday and my sisters birthday as her veneration day.
She was celebrated in the country I had dreamt about visiting since I was 11. (Peru) Saint Rosa of Lima.
From this day onward, I was spiritually, accepted, Saint George, or Sigurd (a Germanic/Teutonic Ancestral and Indo European Spirit) as I had come to call him, opened the Temple of Rebellion on the 26th of January 2020, and declared it formally foundational and ready to be formed in reality.
That was the same day the Corona-virus drop formally hit the media here in Australia. I remember calling the coronavirus hotline after walking back from the local swimming pool with Jonathan after a horrible experience and telling them the real virus was the “pedophile” not the “made up synthetic lab made corona lie” generated all over the news that afternoon.
I hung up the phone and hoped this too, would dissipate like the sars, bird flu, Ebola and other biowarfare pandemics manipulated in acts of bioterrorism.
Something about the large number of bats in the sky that summer, and the summer 2019-2020 bushfires that were apocalyptic and choking the Sydney and suburbs with smoke for months afterward, in addition to the rollout of 5G and my recent growth into a new spiritual lineage that was combating the attack of Saskia and Sparky dying in addition to all the lifetime of trauma and pain I’ve endured.
That was the same day the Corona-virus drop formally hit the media here in Australia. I remember calling the coronavirus hotline after walking back from the local swimming pool with Jonathan after a horrible experience and telling them the real virus was the “pedophile” not the “made up synthetic lab made corona lie” generated all over the news that afternoon.
I hung up the phone and hoped this too, would dissipate like the sars, bird flu, Ebola and other biowarfare pandemics manipulated in acts of bioterrorism.
Something about the large number of bats in the sky that summer, and the summer 2019-2020 bushfires that were apocalyptic and choking the Sydney and suburbs with smoke for months afterward, in addition to the rollout of 5G and my recent growth into a new spiritual lineage that was combating the attack of Saskia and Sparky dying in addition to all the lifetime of trauma and pain I’ve endured.
All this made me dubious about the fleeting nature of this Disease X.
Also, Jeffery Epstein, Prince Andrew and Issac Kaapy and the way they blew up in the mainstream media when it came out. Just before the Covid-19 pandemic came to be we had the rising undercurrent of the global pedophile networking finally coming to fruition, wonderful spiritual underground workings forged in tempest of fury and fire by a order I carried a feminine current of from a county in solidarity to hopefully one day pass on to others. (I have actually taught two other fully functioning male members, but I mean females here).
Also, Jeffery Epstein, Prince Andrew and Issac Kaapy and the way they blew up in the mainstream media when it came out. Just before the Covid-19 pandemic came to be we had the rising undercurrent of the global pedophile networking finally coming to fruition, wonderful spiritual underground workings forged in tempest of fury and fire by a order I carried a feminine current of from a county in solidarity to hopefully one day pass on to others. (I have actually taught two other fully functioning male members, but I mean females here).
Anti pedophile network awareness on a global scale must of been a scare for the elite ?
The Temple of Rebellion was Formed under the fires of Summer 2019 and the prehistoric climax of the never ending apocalyptic Covid-19 tsunami.
This is the unending current that the spirits were waiting for, I walked home from the pool barefoot in the rain, Thor banging thunder and rage of my inner child having flashbacks in my childhood town in my veins. (When will I BE FREE).
People have to learn to see things outside the scope of the limits language has given them. I learnt that in those years living there.
Religion, magick, both are spiritually rooted but what matters is your intent.
I can be an evil occultist. But I can be an evil clergyman.
Or I can be both.
Some of the most evil corrupt people are highly religious. Some are also ritualistic. But why does magick have to be synonymous with evil?
Isn’t that playing into the energy your abusers and programmers want you to believe?
They want you to believe you don’t have the power of being the god/goddess that prime creator himself intended you to harness within yourself.
We all do.
We have that innate spark. We are born of prime creator ourselves. Our abusers want us to be feeling disconnected and split off from the god energy.
They want you trapped, insecure, disconnected, enslaved & living in confusion, turmoil, hatred, chaos, depression, pain, & fear.
I acknowledge these feelings and energies are valid and real and seek solutions to transmute them.
I’m not forcing anyone to take up any tradition or magick.
Right now I want to voice something have held in for a long time.
Ritual abuse survivor and being a ceremonial magician are a difficult path to walk.
Uncommon, please, if anyone else is there , let me know as I face the backlash alone as far as I can see in my 10 year journey.
For now
I’m just saying to avoid jumping into my space and judging my practices I use for my healing and that have been implemented and tested under the time and tension of Saturn for a decade now.
In 2024 February I’ll be a 10 year old ceremonial magician practitioner. (Not a neophyte anymore). I don’t know how to feel about it magically. But psychologically and emotionally I am so relieved I chose to go this way instead of staying trapped in the CPTSD and dissociated mess I was lost in before I went into the path I walked down now. I tried religion. I went there time and time again. I tried the new age. I tried almost everything to heal my sexual abuse. I tried therapy. I did 3 years of intensive dialectical behaviour therapy group programs. I’ve done 11 or 12 over a month by month intensive upscale inpatient psychiatric inpatient programs. I’ve had the medications. The CBT. The ACT. Brainspotting. I’ve had the psychiatrists. The bad and good different range of decades of therapists. I’m getting EMDR now and doing Fiona Barnetts protocol in addition to my own. She is a very valuable practioner who needs to be revered as a clinician in any way she can for what she has shared and how it has helped me.
Thank you Fiona Barett. (And she is also a born again Christian but one of the cool, non judgemental, open minded ones who don’t make you feel dumb for having different views outside the realm of the Christ theology).
***
Back in 2017 being on both sides of the practicing and client Fiona saved my life so many times.
messed me up badly when it went wrong, because I was honest, and my ex therapist was a pro-pedophile, Frank Houston supporting Hillsong church revering cruel and vindictive new type of evil I’d never encountered before.
In all these dark moments when all hope was lost and suicide was my only solution (programming) magick (a specific current I will share in time) and listening to Fiona Barnett saved my life.
But my lesson is to never do that to someone else’s soul. Especially if they expose deep secrets and show vulnerability.
The worst thing to then continue to do is to have the audacity to call yourself trauma aware.
It’s so far from reality you couldn’t fathom trauma if you had it slapped across your sensory system for the next ten years.
He had no capacity or insight to any trauma I shared and I will forever wear that pain as not only the first time I went though the trauma as a child and young adult, but the secondary and third and forth rebounding traumas I felt when I was rejected in a therapeutic context. While studying and trying to work as a therapist.
A course he told me to study to work with him. The ultimate gaslighting and fuck around might get killed move someone has ever inflicted. But I’m so glad I did it.
I will never forget or forgive people who hurt others like that, and that ripped my soul apart. So it’s time to create what was supposed to be a beautiful and joyful experience after I finished my counselling degree and merge back into my psychology bachelor.
That was stripped away due to ineffective and fruitless therapy. It was raped like the 10 other rapes I wrote in that stupid timeline I sent to him in an email I wish I’d never sent.
But this rape was probably the worst kind of rape I’ve ever been through. It was a rape of the soul.
All because I questioned his leader, Brian Houston, being involved in the royal commission, linked to his feather, Frank Houston, a known Pedophile. We all know the story about that.
Another example where organised religion pushes out dogma and judgement in my life instead of acceptance or healing. (I’ll go into that story more another time because it is a long one and cumbersome).
So in terms of creating safe spaces why not operate under the trauma informed care paradigm…?
I can be an evil occultist. But I can be an evil clergyman.
Or I can be both.
Some of the most evil corrupt people are highly religious. Some are also ritualistic. But why does magick have to be synonymous with evil?
Isn’t that playing into the energy your abusers and programmers want you to believe?
They want you to believe you don’t have the power of being the god/goddess that prime creator himself intended you to harness within yourself.
We all do.
We have that innate spark. We are born of prime creator ourselves. Our abusers want us to be feeling disconnected and split off from the god energy.
They want you trapped, insecure, disconnected, enslaved & living in confusion, turmoil, hatred, chaos, depression, pain, & fear.
I acknowledge these feelings and energies are valid and real and seek solutions to transmute them.
I’m not forcing anyone to take up any tradition or magick.
Right now I want to voice something have held in for a long time.
Ritual abuse survivor and being a ceremonial magician are a difficult path to walk.
Uncommon, please, if anyone else is there , let me know as I face the backlash alone as far as I can see in my 10 year journey.
For now
I’m just saying to avoid jumping into my space and judging my practices I use for my healing and that have been implemented and tested under the time and tension of Saturn for a decade now.
In 2024 February I’ll be a 10 year old ceremonial magician practitioner. (Not a neophyte anymore). I don’t know how to feel about it magically. But psychologically and emotionally I am so relieved I chose to go this way instead of staying trapped in the CPTSD and dissociated mess I was lost in before I went into the path I walked down now. I tried religion. I went there time and time again. I tried the new age. I tried almost everything to heal my sexual abuse. I tried therapy. I did 3 years of intensive dialectical behaviour therapy group programs. I’ve done 11 or 12 over a month by month intensive upscale inpatient psychiatric inpatient programs. I’ve had the medications. The CBT. The ACT. Brainspotting. I’ve had the psychiatrists. The bad and good different range of decades of therapists. I’m getting EMDR now and doing Fiona Barnetts protocol in addition to my own. She is a very valuable practioner who needs to be revered as a clinician in any way she can for what she has shared and how it has helped me.
Thank you Fiona Barett. (And she is also a born again Christian but one of the cool, non judgemental, open minded ones who don’t make you feel dumb for having different views outside the realm of the Christ theology).
***
Back in 2017 being on both sides of the practicing and client Fiona saved my life so many times.
messed me up badly when it went wrong, because I was honest, and my ex therapist was a pro-pedophile, Frank Houston supporting Hillsong church revering cruel and vindictive new type of evil I’d never encountered before.
In all these dark moments when all hope was lost and suicide was my only solution (programming) magick (a specific current I will share in time) and listening to Fiona Barnett saved my life.
But my lesson is to never do that to someone else’s soul. Especially if they expose deep secrets and show vulnerability.
The worst thing to then continue to do is to have the audacity to call yourself trauma aware.
It’s so far from reality you couldn’t fathom trauma if you had it slapped across your sensory system for the next ten years.
He had no capacity or insight to any trauma I shared and I will forever wear that pain as not only the first time I went though the trauma as a child and young adult, but the secondary and third and forth rebounding traumas I felt when I was rejected in a therapeutic context. While studying and trying to work as a therapist.
A course he told me to study to work with him. The ultimate gaslighting and fuck around might get killed move someone has ever inflicted. But I’m so glad I did it.
I will never forget or forgive people who hurt others like that, and that ripped my soul apart. So it’s time to create what was supposed to be a beautiful and joyful experience after I finished my counselling degree and merge back into my psychology bachelor.
That was stripped away due to ineffective and fruitless therapy. It was raped like the 10 other rapes I wrote in that stupid timeline I sent to him in an email I wish I’d never sent.
But this rape was probably the worst kind of rape I’ve ever been through. It was a rape of the soul.
All because I questioned his leader, Brian Houston, being involved in the royal commission, linked to his feather, Frank Houston, a known Pedophile. We all know the story about that.
Another example where organised religion pushes out dogma and judgement in my life instead of acceptance or healing. (I’ll go into that story more another time because it is a long one and cumbersome).
So in terms of creating safe spaces why not operate under the trauma informed care paradigm…?
Organised religion is also, of this nature. GENERALLY..
It has the holier than thou dogma, that you, if you are engaged in any occultic doctrine NO MATTER WHAT, should be condemned.
that in my opinion, is just as bad as being a non religious judgemental person.
Religious or not, anyone who is judging anyone based on their beliefs and practices that are not harming others.
I mean genuinely judgmental and condescending dogmatic language, not light hearted or joking.
It has the holier than thou dogma, that you, if you are engaged in any occultic doctrine NO MATTER WHAT, should be condemned.
that in my opinion, is just as bad as being a non religious judgemental person.
Religious or not, anyone who is judging anyone based on their beliefs and practices that are not harming others.
I mean genuinely judgmental and condescending dogmatic language, not light hearted or joking.
My question is -
Who are you to judge someone by the practices they preach without knowing what they bear inside themselves ?
If you chose to pray and practice a Christian religion I have no concern you practice or believe in your brief.
Why do you pick apart and dissect the most minute and diminutive parts of mine?
Question :
For survivors of ritual abuse and trauma based mind control ;
finding a source of healing and control can be liberating and it may look like religion.
In others it can look like something like the new age.
or for others it can come in spirituality of planetary based divine humanism ceremonial magick.
If you chose to pray and practice a Christian religion I have no concern you practice or believe in your brief.
Why do you pick apart and dissect the most minute and diminutive parts of mine?
Question :
For survivors of ritual abuse and trauma based mind control ;
finding a source of healing and control can be liberating and it may look like religion.
In others it can look like something like the new age.
or for others it can come in spirituality of planetary based divine humanism ceremonial magick.
I am often excluded from ritual abuse survivor groups due to being an almost decade practicing ceremonial magician and that is something that hurts my soul.
I’m not an evil person.
I don’t hex, curse or practice baneful magick. I venerate and heal, engage in elevated and purified spiritual practices.
but the moment they see that side of my life I’m condemned and judged, unfollowed, blocked and ridiculed in other groups because o simply have a spiritual practice I find healing that is wholesome, pure and protective.
I think this is unfair. I think it’s honestly retraumatising in a way and it pains the community as dogmatic and judgemental and unsafe for all survivors.
I don’t hex, curse or practice baneful magick. I venerate and heal, engage in elevated and purified spiritual practices.
but the moment they see that side of my life I’m condemned and judged, unfollowed, blocked and ridiculed in other groups because o simply have a spiritual practice I find healing that is wholesome, pure and protective.
I think this is unfair. I think it’s honestly retraumatising in a way and it pains the community as dogmatic and judgemental and unsafe for all survivors.
I think if everyone is a consenting, anti pedophile, safe and open minded, non violent, compassionate, mature, open to healing, growth, willing to learn adult who is recovering from ritual abuse and trauma why would it matter if they are practicing magick, interested in astrology, and have found a decade long practice that WORKS?
We are all against the same PAEDOPHILIC GLOBALIST enemy here.
We are all wanting the same outcome so we need to focus on that and work together because a “A HOUSE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF WILL FALL” . (Isn’t that the Bible)?
Especially (and I am not saying this in any way to be elitist) when the other members are coming in as new and only recovering memories in the last 1-2 years.
Just because I don’t share my story all over the internet doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It can be tracks if you know how to stalk, and interpret in between the lines.
I have excelled at being locked out and deleting my own blogs from the past, and the nature of dissociative identity disorder and cptsd is to hide the dissociation from the public eye as much as possible.
That is the nature of the programming.
But I have blogs dating back probably to the middle of high school and it’s probably still all there if you could read the old internet you’d find a treasure trove of interesting parts of my old selves. I often wish I could see what my parts used to do because I don’t remember.
I digress.
It’s exclusive. The best Christians I’ve met are those who don’t need to exclude everyone else for the notion of them not being Christian. But for the record, by technicality,
I’m a Christian, I believe in God, I also believe Nature is God. I believe in Prime Creator.
I believe in the living energy of the universe. (Pantheism I think they call it). I believe in energy. The divine energy of prime creeeror that is greater than all that is the source of all living things and that is all there is, and the living world around us (nature, animals, biosphere, elements, trees, birds, ocean, earth, plants, fruit ).
I’m very connected to energy.
I love sacred spaces in nature and worship the beauty I find in the world.
I love animals and think they are the most wonderful beings alive in many ways. I speak to them as I would pray to a “god”.
In terms of gods and goddess, i venerate them in a way of invoking the energy into my life and living it via a heroine or warrior goddess journey. In transpersonal psychology we have an inner masculine counterpart called the animus, I invoke the male energy to work with the god energy in this way.
If I call in a masculine or feminine energy for evocation, it’s done for a great veneration and celebration for the wonderful energies of these beautiful stories and archetypes can often be understood by honouring the mysteries in our real life in living the mystery.
They can reach us by showing us.
I want people to be more open towards trauma informed awareness and accepting that not all things synonymous with magick are equal to evil.
There is nothing evil or inverted about my spiritual path and it’s the purest, most elevated and clean current I can find energetically.
So before you judge because of a word in the English language open your mind and realise I’m also staring back at you and have the same ability but I’m not doing that.
Why are you so eager to place a set of labels, identifying me in a way that places me in a category consecrated by a major religion?
When religion is a major form of kind control and the primary programming tool is mind control, and the goal of breaking programming is to overcome the mind control?
How is anything being broken when it’s only being replaced by something equally, if not, more dogmatic?
I love helping others and making spaces that others can heal from the heinous horrors of trauma based mind control and ritual abuse and the many nervous system and sensory dysfunctions that come with the territory.
I have encompassing energy flow and empathy but have built my walls high so I won’t engage with people who are not aligned to a authentic self inside.
I have helped the process flow but they have to be receptive to that, it’s honestly exhausting, and I prefer for that reason, to keep to myself, unless people are attuned to a similar path and I can truly be in my authentic self.
I’m in a healing and transforming phase. I have endured a lot of intense and very real and very intense pain in my life.
I’m in a healing and transforming phase. I have endured a lot of intense and very real and very intense pain in my life.
I don’t play games or mess around for internet clout or the next sensation. This isn’t a game for me. This is my life and i believe all survivors at face value because I see the best in everyone and hate when people have been knowingly deceptive for other motives. It’s hurtful.
If people have genuinely endured this pain why are you still trying to unconsciously cause drama by being unnecessarily hostile and dogmatic over something like religion in a community with mentally ill and traumatised individuals who are survivors of trauma based mind control & ritual abuse?
Enough. Follow trauma informed care practice or leave the community and go and embrace the community you can be safe to follow your religious philosophy in freely openly like a church. Please. Go. Away.
L.V
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